This is where trust is built.

When someone opens up, they often walk away wondering if they went too far. Did I overshare? Did I make it weird? Should I have just kept quiet?

How you show up next answers all of that.

One chat is a start, but most people don't pour their heart out the first time you ask. Sometimes it takes a second ask. Or a third. Or a trudge up the 17th after back-to-back triples when patience is thin and honesty sneaks out.

That's normal. The goal isn't a one-off emotional purge. It's building a rhythm where talking feels natural, safe, and always an option.

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What it Looks Like

• Check in without the drumroll
  "Hey, just thinking of you. Hope this week's been alright."‍
• Keep everything else ticking along
  Still invite them to play. Still send the memes. Still make fun of their putting. Let them feel like they haven't just become a project.‍
• Drop a soft follow-up
  "How's your head been since we talked?" Small, simple, shows you haven’t forgotten.‍
• Mention your own stuff now and then
  ‍It keeps things balanced and human. You're not the emotional gatekeeper or their personal therapist.‍
• Slip in reminders, gently
  "Always around if you fancy a chat again."
  "Door's still open, by the way."

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What to avoid

• Treating them like they're made of glass. They're the same person they were yesterday.
• Bringing it up every single time you see them. That turns support into surveillance.
• Disappearing because "you don't know what to say." You do know what to say. You say normal stuff.

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Handle Their Trust With Care

If someone opens up to you, it means they trust you. Don't punt that trust into the group chat.

No matter how casual the conversation seemed, it's absolutely not yours to share. Not even with good intentions.

If you do think someone else should know, ask them first. Permission matters. It keeps the power in their hands and shows you’re not running off to tell tales, even with good intentions.

When others ask about them, keep it broad. A line like, “They’ve had a lot going on. I’ve checked in. Might be worth you doing the same,” is enough. You’re passing the ball without betraying what they told you.

Trust in these moments is hard-won and easily lost. The only time it makes sense to step outside it is when you’re genuinely worried about their safety. In that case, protecting them matters more than keeping the secret.

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Take Care of You, Too

When you’re looking out for someone else, it’s easy to forget your own head might wobble afterwards. You can walk away from the chat feeling flat, jittery, or heavier than you expected. You might even replay what you said like a bad swing on loop.

That doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human. Emotions rub off, and sitting with someone else’s struggle can stick to you for a while.

Your side of the story matters too. Your feelings count. Supporting someone doesn’t require you to shove your own stuff in a locker and slam it shut.

What helps:

• Take five. Go for a walk. Shake it off. Don't jump straight into the next thing.
• Check in with yourself. What's come up? What do you need right now?
• Talk to someone. You don't have to process it alone. A friend, your partner, a quiet text to someone who gets it.
• Do something grounding or something dumb. Golf. TV. A cup of tea in silence. Whatever resets your brain.
• Give it a think, but don't spiral. You don't need to replay every word. You showed up. That counts.