Choose the Right Setting

Some places just work better for this stuff. The trick is finding a moment that feels natural.

You want space. You want calm. And you want to avoid a captive audience.

✅ Good settings:

• A walk between holes during a 2-ball
• The car ride home from a round
• Hitting balls at the range
• Sitting in the buggy when play backs up
• One-on-one over a quiet coffee or pint
• Dropping them a voice note when you can't talk in person

⛔ Not-so-good settings:

• In front of the group, mid-chat
• Loud pub with six mates and football on
• In the group chat, sandwiched between memes
• On the 18th tee when everyone's watching
• Right before a big match or comp

Rule of thumb: Side-by-side beats face-to-face. Private beats public. Unrushed beats intense.

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Keep It Casual

This isn’t a performance. You’re just checking in. Say it in your own way, how you’d normally talk. If you’d never say “How are you feeling emotionally?” then don’t.

Simple ways to start:

• "You OK? Haven't seen your name pop up much lately"
• "You seem a bit down lately. Anything up?"
• "How's your head been feeling these days?"
• "We haven't talked in a while. What's up?"
• "You haven't joined a round in a bit, how's life off the course?"
• "You know you can tell me anything. I won't judge."
• "You've had a lot on, yeah? How's your head handling it?"
• "You've felt a bit distant recently. Want to talk?"
• "You looked like something was weighing on you the other day."
• "If you ever need to get something off your chest, I've got time."

That’s enough. Honest and unpolished always works better than clever.

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Stick to What You’ve Noticed

You’re not here to play doctor. You’re just pointing out what you’ve noticed and giving them space to talk if they want to.

This is the difference between observation and interpretation.

Observation keeps it open: "You've seemed quieter lately. Just thought I'd check in."

It's grounded. Open. Gives them space to fill in the gaps if they want.

Interpretation Shuts it down: "You're clearly struggling."

Even with good intentions, it can feel like you’re telling them how they feel. That often makes people defensive, or leaves them scrambling for words they don’t have yet.

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Try Going First (If It Feels Right)

If your friend's clammed up tighter than a ball washer in winter, it might help to go first.

If it feels natural (and safe) sharing something small about your own head can help shift the tone. You're not launching into a trauma monologue or making it about you. You're just saying, "This stuff's normal. And I've felt it too."

• ‍"I've had a rough week myself, to be honest. Felt like I wasn't coping too well."
• "I've been in a weird headspace lately, and it made me wonder how you're holding up."
• "All this stuff going around lately's been heavy. You alright with it all?"

It levels the playing field. It shows you get it. And it quietly says, "You don't need to have it all together to talk to me."